General Horton Hears Who?
by Candybree
Summary: A...conversation Jack and Ianto are having is overheard by UNIT.


Warning: Smut

A/N: This was inspired a line chapter 5 of Year of the Cat by queenfluffernutter about a conversation Jack and Ianto were having being interrupted by UNIT.

Disclaimer:I don't own Jack, Ianto, UNIT or the idea for this story.

* * *

Ianto was awakened by the incessant chirping of his cell phone. He fumbled around for it blindly, refusing to open his eyes so he wouldn't have to see what time it was.

"'Lo." He mumbled, not bothering to look at the caller display. There was only one reason he would be getting called at whatever ungodly hour it was.

"_Hey Ianto, I'm bored and horny so do you want to have phone sex?"_

Okay, maybe there were two reasons.

"Jack?"

"_Well I hope no one else would be calling you for phone sex. Though with your voice I wouldn't blame them for trying."_

Ianto sighed happily at the sound of Jack's voice floating over the line. Jack had been in London for the last three days and Ianto hadn't heard from him at all. He had missed his captain and found that he hated sleeping alone.

"I was asleep Jack."

"_And now you aren't. But if you were sleeping then you were in bed and if you were in bed then you are naked right? I really missed you Yan."_

Ianto could hear the sincerity in Jack's voice and it made him smile.

"I missed you too Jack, and yes I'm naked right now. What about you?"

"_I'm so hard Yan. The thought of you lying naked in our bed makes me so hard."_

"But what are you wearing Jack? Are you lying on your big, empty hotel bed naked?"

"_No. I'm sitting in the SUV. But my trousers are undone now."_

"You're in the SUV?"

"_Yep."_

"Wait. Jack are you driving?" Ianto asked, sitting up and wide awake.

"_Of course. How else am I going to get home? It's not like there's anyone else on the road at 4am anyway."_

"Jack, we are not having any sort of sex while you are driving. I want the SUV back in one piece. If you pull over we can do whatever you want, but nothing while you are driving."

Ianto stopped talking when he heard Jack's breath hitch, knowing that Jack was stroking himself while listening to his voice.

"_Ianto please don't stop."_

"Pull over." Was all Ianto would say.

Ianto waited until he heard the crunch of gravel followed by the engine shutting off (he could hear it now that he was listening for it) and switched to their comms, so his cell phone would be free just in case, before he spoke again.

"So how do you want to do this Jack?"

"_I want you to lie back against the pillows and relax. Close your eyes and imagine that I'm there with you." _

Ianto followed Jack's instructions but grabbed the lube from the bedside table, just in case, and switched his phone to speaker first.

"_Take one hand and play with your nipples, circling, pinching and pulling them, while your other hand slowly moves down your body, teasing your skin, until it reaches your cock. I want you to gently caress your cock, feather-light touches that are barely there ghosting over the sensitive flesh."_

"God Jack." Ianto moaned, following all of Jack's instructions exactly.

"_Now grip your cock firmly and stroke it slowly. Cover your other hand with lube and gently trail a finger over your entrance."_

Ianto moaned loudly and pushed back against his hand as his finger teased his tight hole.

"_Gently press your finger in, slowly and carefully stretching the tight ring of muscle. Once you have the finger in completely start moving it in and out, all the while stroking your hard, throbbing cock. Now add a second finger, gently scissoring your fingers, stretching yourself even further."_

"God Jack, I'm so tight. It feels so good." Ianto moaned, pressing his fingers deeper into his body.

"_I know it does my periadd boten. I want you to tighten the grip on your shaft a little and speed up your strokes just a bit. Now move the fingers you have inside of you until you can stroke your prostate."_

Ianto gasped and bucked as pleasure shot through his body at the first caress of his prostate.

"Jack." He whimpered

"_It feels so good doesn't it Ianto. Now add a third finger. Stretching and filling yourself even more. The hand on your cock is moving faster and faster, bringing you closer to the edge with each stroke."_

Ianto's head was thrown back and was writhing in pleasure, moaning licentiously as his hand moved furiously over his cock.

"So close" Ianto whimpered, pushing his fingers harder and deeper into his body. He could tell by the strain in Jack's voice that he was close too.

"_Come for me Yan. Let me hear you coming for me. Coming while you listen to my voice."_

Ianto screamed Jack's name when he finally orgasmed, bucking roughly and spilling his seed over his hand and stomach. He heard Jack grunt his name as his release quickly followed and he collapsed on the bed gasping while he listened to Jack moan through the aftershocks of his orgasm.

"_Captain Harkness, if you have a moment to spare from whatever has you moaning and Mr. Jones gasping like that, UNIT would like to request your assistance at an alien crash site."_ General Gloria Horton's voice floated over their comms.

"_General Horton. How lovely to hear your voice again."_ Jack replied in an almost normal voice. _"How and where do you want me?"_

Ianto grabbed his cell phone and started calling the rest of the team as he listened to the conversation between Jack and General Horton.

"_What looked like an alien spaceship crashed between Cardiff and London. We sent people to check it out at 0900h and when they didn't report in we sent a second team. Neither team has reported back to us so we were hoping your team could check it out."_

"_Of course. Send me the coordinates."_ There was a pause as Jack received the coordinates. _"I'm not far, I can be there in twenty minutes. Ianto, will you get the rest of the team?"_

"I've already called them Sir. We'll be on our way to meet you soon."

"_Thank you Captain. Mr. Jones."_

*****

THREE DAYS LATER

"Torchwood Three, Ianto Jones speaking."

"Hey there periadd boten. Did the captain get a live showing of your performance when he got home?"

"Hey Carl. How's the shoulder? I heard that after the Sontarans shot you you had some trouble moving your arm to wank. Is that fixed now or is all this jealousy and sexual frustration?"

"You wound me Jones. But seriously, how's the sex life? Because from what I heard it is a lot of fun."

"Right now the sex life is great but in a few minutes it is going to be very dead." Ianto glared as he saw Jack saunter out of the archives. "Now if you will excuse me Carl, I have a captain to kill for not using a secure line. I'll call you back later."


End file.
